FROM THE DIARY
It was two in the morning and we had just finished a grueling 12 hour edit session. And a 14 hour edit session the day before, and a 10 hour edit shift the day before that and a 26 hour shoot the day before that. (Phew!) No — we were not covering a political crisis in the country nor a tornado or a coup — this was just business as usual. This was my adrenaline pumping, gut wrenching, cigarette smoking, and many-cups-of-tea-a-day world. I had of course become a film maker by chance. But that’s a story I will keep for a later date. Even though it happened before the night of this edit session!
We had a presentation of the film we were editing, the following morning at 10.00. The client was expected to come with the usual entourage of mostly ‘yes-men and yes-women’. Its funny — in times like the present, almost no marketing person comes as a single or a two member team for film approvals. It is always, always an entourage led by the senior most — or the BOSS!! And after every presentation of a film, I have waited for reactions from members of the entourage. But no one dares comment before the BOSS has spoken. It’s the boss who passes verdict and only then do the minions dare speak. Of course, only the very brave or truly reckless dare to differ in their point of view. Insecurity is a big thing in the creative world. Insecurity could be about anything — about how good you really are, how popular you are, about what kind of raise can you expect, and a million other insecurities that keep people on their toes and the mistrust high.
It’s hard to think why anyone would love this world of unreal people with unreal jobs with unreal timings … but I did. I loved my job more than anything else happening at that time in my life. There are only two things that I have loved passionately — men and my work — apart from my son that is!! I am not sure which of the two I have felt more passionately about … but what I do know is that the absence of either has left me miserable and lonely and agenda-less. It’s when I have more to do than I can handle with ease and a good man to round it off with, that’s when I feel totally and truly happy — and even blessed.
But let me share a little secret with you — its tougher than you can imagine having both — at least having both chugging along peacefully and happily at the same pace. And another little secret — its easier finding a good job than it is finding a good man! Maybe that’s a myth created by man himself and there aren’t any ‘good men’ around. Hmmm … and that’s still another story.
It was 10.00 in the morning already and I was still in the shower. Damn! Why am I always late for morning meetings? Why am I not able to wake up early, go to the gym and be ready for work on time!! Working for yourself does spoil you in many ways and you get used to not having anyone dictate time to you. Or for that matter, dictate much else! I rushed through the rest of my shower, ran down, grabbed a toast for breakfast and was on my way in my new red Zen.
It was a present to myself — my little red Zen. I felt like an ace pilot every time I strapped myself onto the seat and revved the engine, adjusted the rear-view mirror and tuned onto my favourite FM channel.
